I am writing mainly to clear out my head and organize some thoughts, but basically, it comes down to the following: I am not very happy right now. After sort of crashing last week, I've realized only today exactly why that is. I've been a bit too complacent with my life and have allowed some things to go on for longer than they should.
Firstly, I have 13 students, which, in itself, is too many for me at this point in my life. They are all great kids, however, and the parents are also wonderful...except one mother. I have decided that I refuse to teach this particular family, and after months of feeling like I had no choice/say/right to refuse, I'm calling my boss tomorrow to ask her if she can break the news to them. There is no need to go into details regarding the whole situation because the fact of the matter is that I will not teach someone who doesn't respect my position as the teacher of the studio, and I have already decided to give this family up.
Secondly, I am finished with trying to find some inner peace in this current apartment. Last year, I was really at odds with Sebastian because his lifestyle is just completely different than mine. This year, I think that we understand each other better and enjoy each others' company, but I am sort of finished with roommates for now. For example, he lost his keys and still hasn't made a copy of mine after more than a week of being here, and so I have to constantly be reachable so he can enter our flat. He also invited three other friends here tonight to play Risk, and after teaching for 6 hours today with a 10 minute break, seeing other people was simply the last thing I wanted, much less hearing them. My roommates are actually fine - more or less the same as normal roommates, no better and no worse. I just think that I've reached a point where I want to live alone. No more other people. Plus that, this apartment and the building itself is really a piece of shit. It's great that the rent is so cheap, but it's worth it to pay a bit more but have a much healthier situation...I mean, we have mold everywhere. Come mid-February, I'm outta here.
Thirdly, (and the most difficult thing to address) I am going to focus on my exam and be as positive as possible for it. The main priority right now should be the violin and preparation, not worrying about what to do with my life afterwards. Things will fall into place where they should.
I spoke about a lot of this with Mehmet Ali, and he is very supportive. We were also able to have a positive discussion about the last 10 days during which he was here, and what things worked/what didn't. It's good to be able to reassess your relationship in a healthy way with the other person - gives everyone a fresh slate.
Let's hope that these small adjustments add up to more space for personal growth and more positivity in general. I'm looking forward to everything.
On a journey: East Berlin, Germany
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Politically confused. Help?
I finally sat down to watch Republican Vice President Nominee Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric, and, well, I'll start it off by quoting a part of it:
Sarah Palin: I'm ill about the position that America is in, in that we have to look at a $700 billion bailout. At the same time we know that inaction is not an option, and that as Senator McCain has said, unless this nearly trillion dollar bill tells us that there are amendments in [the] proposal, I don't believe that Americans are going to support this, and we will not support this. The interesting thing in the last couple of days that I have seen is that Americans are waiting to see what John McCain will do on this proposal. They're not waiting to see what Barack Obama is going to do (licks her finger, holds it up to the air)...is he going to do this and just see which way the political winds blow. They're waiting to see if John McCain will be able to see these amendments implemented in Paulson's proposal.
Katie Couric: Why do you say that, that they're waiting for John McCain and not Barrack Obama?
Sarah Palin: He's got the track record, the leadership, the qualities and the pragmatism that's needed in a crisis time like this.
Katie Couric: But polls have shown that Senator Obama has actually gotten a boost as a result of this latest crisis, with more people feeling that he can handle this situation better than John McCain.
Sarah Palin: Ah, well, when looking at poll numbers, I think that Americans at the end of the day are going to be able to go back to track records and see who is more apt to just be talking about solutions and wishing for and hoping for some opportunity to change and who's actually done it?
Katie Couric had just told Sarah Palin that according to polls, Americans want Obama to deal with economic problems, and not John McCain. Sarah Palin said that when looking at polls, Americans want to go back to a track record of someone who is more apt to take action rather than just wish and hope. The polls are in favor of Barack Obama. So Sarah Palin is inadvertently supporting Barack Obama.
??
At this point, I couldn't take any more of the interview, so I switched it off.
I am really sorry if you support Sarah Palin, but after seeing that interview, I have little understanding for someone who wants to vote for her. I am, quite frankly, befuddled. I am not writing about not respecting her supporters - I just honestly don't understand how anyone can believe that she has the slightest idea about what she's discussing. If you don't even understand what she's discussing, how can you support her?
She just got her passport last year, listed Ireland as a country she has been in although she only flew through the country while in transit, and she talks herself into a jumble like a poorly prepared high school policy debater/extemporaneous speaker (I can say this because I was an extemporaneous competitor and saw things in local high school competition that closely resemble how Sarah Palin reacts) when it comes to topics that are more scientific or fact based, such as basic economics and basic foreign policy (the sort you learn in high school AP Political Science). In order to prepare her for tonight's Vice Presidential debate with Senator Joe Biden, she has been attending something similar to debate camp which most debaters attend when they are 16 or 17 years old. We all know the pregnant teenage daughter story. My problem isn't that her unmarried teenage daughter is pregnant - that isn't my concern or my business. My problem is that Sarah Palin opts for 'abstinence only sex education' in today's modern American society and thinks it will work. She wants to drill in Alaska for black gold in attempts to keep America's dependency on this rare and disappearing substance ever present and is strongly anti-choice - something, as a woman, I DO take very personally. She speaks repeatedly of the fact that Barack Obama has little experience at being a leader and has belittled his work as a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago. Belittling community service is hardly respectful, let alone moral, if you want to talk in the simplest terms of basic courtesy.
What I have mentioned are things that I, from overseas with limited contact to the American news media, have observed. And it is apparent to me that Sarah Palin is a narrow-minded, egocentric American woman with little regard for the vast diversity of the American population and little connection to what many people who are not white, conservative, financially secure, and Republican need and believe in. I do not understand why there is even the slightest bit of a tight race. The fact of a competitive race leads me to believe one thing: many Americans are misinformed, not interested in being aware, and prefer to live in the fallacy of believing that our country is entitled to being "the best country in the world", and not a member of an equally functioning and peaceful global society. These Americans look around themselves and see a white and homogenized America; one in which citizens should fend for themselves with little cooperation with the government and/or fellow citizens and don't care much about supporting others in society who are having a harder time because of the policies they themselves support (note: often at times, for historical reasons that are the grievances of white society, other non-white communities suffer i.e. the black community).
I am not racist. I am not anti-white; I grew up in 'white society' attended 'white schools' and most of my best friends are white people. There are many incredible white people in my life, and I would not be where I am today without them. I am tired, however, of white voters saying that they are "not sure if they want to have a black president" or even better (a neighbor said this to me) "Barack Obama scares me." Americans love to brag about how the United States of America has been a country now for 232 years and in such a short time, people from all around the world can live in harmony and freedom and get along with each other. They often say, "Look at Israelis and Palestinians, or the conflict in Northern Europe, or all the problems that exist today in Africa" (don't even get me started on why those problems exist). I think that if you speak with a non-represented, struggling minority, they would have a different opinion to cast. History is always written by the winners. I hope that I can still believe in the positivity of the United States and its ability to change and essentially continue to grow up during its young new nation years, but the more I read and see of white pro-Republican America, the more my faith fails. Is this the America my parents had hoped for and dreamed about when they emigrated? I'm not so sure. We are living in a dream, but it is unfortunately not the dream that Dr. King envisioned for us.
Sarah Palin: I'm ill about the position that America is in, in that we have to look at a $700 billion bailout. At the same time we know that inaction is not an option, and that as Senator McCain has said, unless this nearly trillion dollar bill tells us that there are amendments in [the] proposal, I don't believe that Americans are going to support this, and we will not support this. The interesting thing in the last couple of days that I have seen is that Americans are waiting to see what John McCain will do on this proposal. They're not waiting to see what Barack Obama is going to do (licks her finger, holds it up to the air)...is he going to do this and just see which way the political winds blow. They're waiting to see if John McCain will be able to see these amendments implemented in Paulson's proposal.
Katie Couric: Why do you say that, that they're waiting for John McCain and not Barrack Obama?
Sarah Palin: He's got the track record, the leadership, the qualities and the pragmatism that's needed in a crisis time like this.
Katie Couric: But polls have shown that Senator Obama has actually gotten a boost as a result of this latest crisis, with more people feeling that he can handle this situation better than John McCain.
Sarah Palin: Ah, well, when looking at poll numbers, I think that Americans at the end of the day are going to be able to go back to track records and see who is more apt to just be talking about solutions and wishing for and hoping for some opportunity to change and who's actually done it?
Katie Couric had just told Sarah Palin that according to polls, Americans want Obama to deal with economic problems, and not John McCain. Sarah Palin said that when looking at polls, Americans want to go back to a track record of someone who is more apt to take action rather than just wish and hope. The polls are in favor of Barack Obama. So Sarah Palin is inadvertently supporting Barack Obama.
??
At this point, I couldn't take any more of the interview, so I switched it off.
I am really sorry if you support Sarah Palin, but after seeing that interview, I have little understanding for someone who wants to vote for her. I am, quite frankly, befuddled. I am not writing about not respecting her supporters - I just honestly don't understand how anyone can believe that she has the slightest idea about what she's discussing. If you don't even understand what she's discussing, how can you support her?
She just got her passport last year, listed Ireland as a country she has been in although she only flew through the country while in transit, and she talks herself into a jumble like a poorly prepared high school policy debater/extemporaneous speaker (I can say this because I was an extemporaneous competitor and saw things in local high school competition that closely resemble how Sarah Palin reacts) when it comes to topics that are more scientific or fact based, such as basic economics and basic foreign policy (the sort you learn in high school AP Political Science). In order to prepare her for tonight's Vice Presidential debate with Senator Joe Biden, she has been attending something similar to debate camp which most debaters attend when they are 16 or 17 years old. We all know the pregnant teenage daughter story. My problem isn't that her unmarried teenage daughter is pregnant - that isn't my concern or my business. My problem is that Sarah Palin opts for 'abstinence only sex education' in today's modern American society and thinks it will work. She wants to drill in Alaska for black gold in attempts to keep America's dependency on this rare and disappearing substance ever present and is strongly anti-choice - something, as a woman, I DO take very personally. She speaks repeatedly of the fact that Barack Obama has little experience at being a leader and has belittled his work as a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago. Belittling community service is hardly respectful, let alone moral, if you want to talk in the simplest terms of basic courtesy.
What I have mentioned are things that I, from overseas with limited contact to the American news media, have observed. And it is apparent to me that Sarah Palin is a narrow-minded, egocentric American woman with little regard for the vast diversity of the American population and little connection to what many people who are not white, conservative, financially secure, and Republican need and believe in. I do not understand why there is even the slightest bit of a tight race. The fact of a competitive race leads me to believe one thing: many Americans are misinformed, not interested in being aware, and prefer to live in the fallacy of believing that our country is entitled to being "the best country in the world", and not a member of an equally functioning and peaceful global society. These Americans look around themselves and see a white and homogenized America; one in which citizens should fend for themselves with little cooperation with the government and/or fellow citizens and don't care much about supporting others in society who are having a harder time because of the policies they themselves support (note: often at times, for historical reasons that are the grievances of white society, other non-white communities suffer i.e. the black community).
I am not racist. I am not anti-white; I grew up in 'white society' attended 'white schools' and most of my best friends are white people. There are many incredible white people in my life, and I would not be where I am today without them. I am tired, however, of white voters saying that they are "not sure if they want to have a black president" or even better (a neighbor said this to me) "Barack Obama scares me." Americans love to brag about how the United States of America has been a country now for 232 years and in such a short time, people from all around the world can live in harmony and freedom and get along with each other. They often say, "Look at Israelis and Palestinians, or the conflict in Northern Europe, or all the problems that exist today in Africa" (don't even get me started on why those problems exist). I think that if you speak with a non-represented, struggling minority, they would have a different opinion to cast. History is always written by the winners. I hope that I can still believe in the positivity of the United States and its ability to change and essentially continue to grow up during its young new nation years, but the more I read and see of white pro-Republican America, the more my faith fails. Is this the America my parents had hoped for and dreamed about when they emigrated? I'm not so sure. We are living in a dream, but it is unfortunately not the dream that Dr. King envisioned for us.
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